Many of my clients have been experiencing the same problem. They feel out of control. They mention environmental limitations like the economy, market conditions, staff turnover, global directives, structural changes, client disappointments, and the list goes on…
The reality is that these external factors and events have implications and can severely affect us and limit our ability to deliver. The sense of not having control over externalities can lead to anxiety and stress. What happens next is the response, most people fear the lack of control and the accompanied anxiety. And this results in more fear and anxiety. You have a negative feedback loop in place that reinforces itself. This can lead to the futile attempt of trying harder to control the external conditions. Manipulating, striving, overreaching, and forcing things that you have no control over. Further highlighting your lack of control and leading to more… you guessed it, anxiety. So, the real problem hides within and behind the “attempted solution”. What you have been doing to fix the problem is often the real problem. Valuable energy and resources are allocated in resisting the lack of control. Mental effort is wasted on fixing the situation and then also fighting yourself.
The primary state “lack of control” is not the problem. Your resistance, anxiety, and fear response to it is. Your natural inclination, response, or attempted solution is the problem. What thoughts and feelings do you automatically associate with a lack of control? What meaning do you ascribe to being out of control? Does it mean you are incompetent? Or under qualified? And does that make you feel ashamed or inferior? Or does it mean that some things are just out of your control? Insight comes from separating the meaning from the event. The event can mean many things, not just the meaning you normally give it. You have way less control over the events in the world than you think. You also have way more control over the meaning given to events than you think.
The core of wisdom, according to the Greek stoic philosophers, was knowing what is in your control and what is not. So, instead of wasting energy in this way, you could accept the lack of control. Accept that some things are out of your control. You cannot change anything unless you accept it. Acceptance is a powerful state that can lead to other more resourceful states. This enables you to re-direct your energy to where you do have control.
Remember you are really only in control of your words, actions, thoughts, and feelings. Focusing on these elements, and harnessing them maximally, may help you to identify preventative measures and proactive steps that will allow you to reduce the tendency for things (life and business) to get out of control.
About the author: Reinhard Korb is a Meta-coach and integrates neuroscience, neuro-semantics, psychology, and lifestyle for optimal health, performance, engagement and productivity. As the founder of Keep Thriving, he has facilitated and helped organisations and individuals actualize their potential.
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